2009

HAPPY 2009 (:

like every other year, i'll watch channel 5 and go like : 5! 4! 3! 2! 1 ! HAPPY NEW YEAR!
and rush to my bedroom window for tiny firework shooting up into the dark sky (:

start of a new year, start of a brand new life.
Every year will be a new beginning and i shall have my resolutions up this year.

MELISSA's very first resolution(s) of her life:

1. Stop procrastinating
2. stop spouting nonsense to irritate (especially to those who see me in school everyday)
3. stop poking my nose into other's business
4. stop outcasting myself
5. stop losing my temper to those who love me
6. STOP CRYING! / STRONGER MIND!
   
7. Be able to do 10 pull-ups by 31 dec 2009
8. Lay my hands on my first K2/ K1 medal
9. Get my knees back on track
   
10. Finish my last shopaholic book
11. Control my junk food diet
12. Be a faithful believer once again.
    

and the list goes on..
Some are written in my diary instead so ya. those are more confidential (:

i really hope 2009 will not carry on like this.
Heart still feels heavy.
God, lift the weight off me.
ever since dono when this sour juice keeps choking my heart.
i can't bring myself to be happy.
Smiling is just for show.
When i'm alone, it all comes again.
i even try to stuff myself with chocolate hoping that the sweetness will brighten me up.

and sherlyna! thanks for being so willing to play swing with me (:
happy pill (:

and one last sad thing before i end my nonsense and enjoy a great year.

Sometimes i really don't understand.
am i too gullible or is my trust taken for granted?
Made a promise on your own accord (which i didn't expect for) and breaking it.
why not just give the promise a miss?
why not spare a thought for me?
saying and doing different stuff.
i know i do that too. but at least i'm not as MEAN as you.
that's the greatest lie and i trusted you that much.
now that i know, i seem to just shut off so much.
isolating myself, ignoring so much.
i even avoid eye contact when that flashed through my mind.
that is how much i actually trusted you.
and this is going to be an impact for the rest of my life.
i can cover it but it definitely cannot be erased.
Forgive and NOT forget.

if any of you sees this, i'm NOT only talking about a person.
don't bother asking me who. cos even the closest on this planet wouldn't get the priviledge.
ask God if you want. He might tell you.