depressing

maybe now that i'm alone, by myself i get to think of how i actually fair for training yesterday.
i can feel my heart sink to the bottom of earth's crust though some nice souls did encourage me after i pour out my feelings to them. i always feel better when i pour it out but this time, it makes no difference and rather, my heart sunk even more. partner tried her best to encourage me and i'm 1/4 better now. guess it's just the phobia that is keeping me from trying harder. i don't even want to go for training tmr. i know that i'm trying to run away but it's no solution to making improvements. it's no way to run away, i've gotta face it somehow.

melissa: i can really feel my heart sinking to the bottom.
jElly: the more u are scared, the more u will cap
jElly: so dun be scared!!
melissa: ya..
melissa: true.
melissa: but i'm just scared. GOD SAVE ME!
jElly: tis time, only u can help yrself. no one else can help u to stop being scared la

what is wrong with me. this sudden phobia is killing me. hopefully sleeping can help me regain some confidence. anws, thanks partner.

and XY. for saying "same" all the time, you make me go against my own believes. )*:

till next time>>